Good evening my dear menions. It certainly has been awhile, however your high priestesses did not forsake thee; we will never desert thee. Alas, we had to leave this earth for a brief spell as we were chosen by The Is to complete a special mission and the need was so great that we weren’t even given time to bid our menions farewell. We dearly hope that you will have forgiven our unseemly departure.

Where did we travel and what tasks were we given? All we are at liberty to say is that we had a literally breathtaking trip to the Small Magellanic Cloud with a minor detour past the Coma Berenices. Perhaps if you are good little menions and pay up on the tithes we’ve been missing for the last year, we’ll be able to eventually take you all on a family weekend trip.

Well, back to cult business. And a business we are. We’re gonna need all of ya’ll to step it up a notch and start combing through your closets for shit to sell and shaking out your piggie banks. It takes a little more than stardust to keep the lights on in the spacecraft and gas in the church van. High Priestess Amanda and I have been discussing hosting an Indian Taco fundraising dinner to get the cash flowing and the crops sowing. About those crops…

The Church of Join Our Concubine is strongly considering investing in medical marijuana because your leaders are gifted soothsayers and foresee great multitudes of tidings in our future. As our technology suggests, we are nothing if not future forward. We have a 6 acre plot upstate that is just begging to get a little greener this fall so we’re going to need to sell quite a few tacos to get the seed money in order ahem. Doping up the general populace and killing off braincells is also highly appealing to our mission, and we feel that the fringe benefits of marijuana may work to the advantage of our organization. Thus, we urge all menions to participate in the upcoming Indian Taco Dinner and while the frybread recipe is a closely guarded High Priestess Daneka family secret, those within the inner circle may be granted access to the deep fryer. This is one hot, tasty opportunity you will dareth not miss. Operative word: Dareth.

Alright menions, I shall bid thee farewell for the evening and heed these scriptures: She will call upon me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honor her. With long life will I satisfy her and show her my slavation.

Namaste my sons.

 

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