Good morning dear menions on this fresh post-holiday morning! We hope that all our devotees had an amazing December full of holiday cheer and are amped up for the upcoming New Year! A couple weeks ago, Amanda and I hosted our annual High Priestess Summit where we began our preparations and plotted our vision for 2016. It was simply a riveting success!

Amanda sharing her worldly assets for all beloved concubines

Our spirits filled with the divine inspiration of Paul Reubens, we celebrated the success of the 2015 Summit with holiday cookies and Mexican culinary delights

Before we launch into what can be expected of the Family in the New Year, let’s recap the milestones of Join Our Concubine to date.

Firstly, we are now a global powerhouse! With pious menions on every continent, spreading the word far and wide, our numbers are vast and growing by the day. In fact, our devoted Australian brother Krissan has been hard at work in the land down under to locate a spirit animal for our worship: a majestic kangeroo. The kangeroo is the perfect totem for our Family in that while the kangeroo is often illustrated in popular culture as a friendly but ludicrous creature, those mofos will not hesitate to claw out the eyes of one’s enemy. Take note, ye naysayers, ye nonbelievers of the True Word. Shun the non-believers!

This year also saw the birth of our very first Psalm of Praise. Lifting our voices in worship is one of the most effective ways for a menion to show their devotion (besides the steady giving of tithes to the Family, obviously) and we welcome all voices that are capable of staying on key to sing and record their reverence to the true word. Open your mouths, open your hearts.

High Priestess Amanda performs a lyrical masterpiece on the importance of faith

 

As you can see, we have so much to be proud of this year, but 2016 promises to be even more fruitful! We are currently working on designs so that we can start manufacturing official Join Our Concubine apparel! We find that one of the best marketing tools for our mission is simply to get people talking. What better way to alert the masses than a t-shirt or snapback hat that simply reads “I am a mindless lemming concubine.” Only the most virtuous of our followers will be chosen to be apparel ambassadors upon the initial clothing line debut, so ya’ll better make sure your tithing game is on point!

High Priestess Amanda is currently visiting the notorious Sin City aka Las Vegas to climb some rocks, but most importantly to SAVE SOULS. Our west coast membership drive is in full swing and there are plenty of souls for the taking! We urge all menions to minister to everyone you meet because missionary efforts are the cornerstone of reaching the coveted Ninth Gate of Eternal Bliss.

On that note dear concubines, we bid thee farewell to 2015 and look forward to another round of spiritual awakenings in 2016. L Ron Hubbard’s space cadets got nothing on our ish! We are strong. We are united. We are ONE LOVE. Voices raised, heads high, arms to the sky, Hail to the omnipotent Goddesses of the Divine, we tip our glasses and drinketh the blood of the mighty kangeroo in lascivious thirst! 

Namaste,

Daneka and Amanda, High Priestesses of the First Order. 

 

 

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